


mirror, mirror, haunting me

by singmetothesun



Series: tu me verras prospérer [1]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Eliott is the best boyfriend, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I'm Sorry, Lucas is going through it, M/M, Mental Health Issues, elu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23883388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singmetothesun/pseuds/singmetothesun
Summary: Eliott comes home from a shift at the JM Vidéo Club to a very distressed Lucas and they have a serious talk. A precursor to an AU that’s on the way!
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Series: tu me verras prospérer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721902
Comments: 7
Kudos: 107





	mirror, mirror, haunting me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> This fic comes with a TRIGGER WARNING for discussion of eating disorder and behaviour, so if this will be harmful to you please don't read. Stay safe! I'm throwing my own personal experience onto Lucas in this and I'm sorry. 
> 
> This is also a little prequel to a Rehab AU fic that's on the way!
> 
> Find me on twitter: @singmetothesun  
> Spotify playlist for AU: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5WDwpKeeVFQGTiyFIMwPWG?si=cbgwtSUTS1ypW58AdVLIAA

_Mirror, mirror, haunting me,_  
_Embrace the sickness on my knees._  
_Mirror, mirror, you're to blame,_  
_For dark distortions in your frame._

_Calm your breathing, troubled soul,_  
_you needn’t whisper anymore,_  
_scream your name and I’ll be there,_  
_behind your cold dysmorphic stare._

~ from _Dysmorphia_ by _ElysianSoul  
  
  
  
aesthetic made by me._

* * *

**MARDI 18:23**

The sky was a threatening dark grey as Eliott walked down the street to his and Lucas’ apartment. It hadn’t rained at all but had remained overcast and there was a distinct tightness to the air that was telling of an oncoming storm. It wasn’t particularly chilly being early spring, but it wasn’t stiflingly hot either and Eliott delighted in the city feel – the smells, the sounds, the general buzz. He’d see if Lucas would be up for taking a walk up to La Petite Ceinture after dinner later.  
  
He was in good spirits, his day at the video store having been fairly relaxed – it’d been his turn to choose the store music, much to his colleagues’ chagrin. So what if dubstep wasn’t their taste? It was nice to indulge sometimes. He was all but sworn off playing dubstep in their apartment, Lucas claiming it gave him migraines. Eliott didn’t mind, he’d do anything for Lucas.  
  
Upon entering the apartment, what immediately struck him was how quiet it was. Shrugging off his jacket and toeing off his shoes, he called for Lucas, who most definitely should have been home. After checking the kitchen and lounge and finding no sign, he headed for the bedroom. If Lucas did actually have a migraine, which wasn’t too often but it occurred sometimes, he’d be sleeping and that could explain the ominous silence.  
  
Softly, Eliott pushed the door open and his heart sank. Lucas was indeed in the bed, but he wasn’t sleeping. He was just lying there, tears streaming silently down his cheeks, not even making an effort to hide. For a moment, Eliott wasn’t even sure Lucas knew he was there until he made eye contact and Eliott’s heart all but shattered there on the spot.  
  
Lucas’ usually bright blue eyes were so dark and full of pain and it was like Eliott was looking into his boy’s very soul. He coughed and sniffed, and before he knew it Eliott had crossed the room and engulfed him tightly in a hug. Lucas broke even further then, the silent tears now just full-on sobs echoing around the flat.  
  
“I’m here,” Eliott whispered. “You’re not alone.”  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Lucas said into his chest. Eliott shushed him, just holding him, stroking him tenderly and pouring as much love into him as possible in that moment.  
  
“Je suis là, mon amour, je t’aime.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat, he hated seeing Lucas like this.  
  
They lay there for who knew how long as Lucas kept on crying and Eliott kept on soothing, desperately wanting to take away his boyfriend’s pain. When Lucas began to calm down, his sobs becoming less and less frequent, Eliott kissed his forehead and stroked a hand across his damp cheek.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
  
Lucas nodded, sniffing and wiping a hand across his eyes and as he sat up, Eliott reached over to the bedside table to grab him a tissue. A muttered thanks, a few blows of his nose, and he was sat up against the headboard. It was as he sat up himself that Eliott looked around the room and caught in his peripheral a possible answer to Lucas’ current state of distress. But he focused on his mec, now curled up into himself, knees drawn up to his chest. It sent another jolt through Eliott, seeing him this closed off. But he gave Lucas space, positioning himself cross-legged facing him, far enough away to not intrude but close enough to reach for his hands.  
  
“I have to,” Lucas began, “I have to say it out loud. I can’t do anything if I don’t let it sink in.”  
  
Eliott nodded. “Take your time, Lucas, take all the time you need.”  
  
Lucas lunged forward then, grabbing for his hands, and Eliott drew them to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss before letting them settle between them. He could practically see the thoughts whirling around Lucas’ head, but he was more than content to wait. Lucas needed this, and Eliott wasn’t going to bail even if it meant they stayed up all night. How many times had Lucas been there for him? Too many to count.  
  
Sapphire-blue eyes found his own, and then it was like Lucas couldn’t stop talking.  
  
“I have an eating disorder, Eliott. I have a problem and I need help. I’ve been having therapy at school and they’re trying to communicate with my doctor to get me referred to specialists for official diagnosis.”  
  
Lucas was slowly getting more and more upset again as he continued telling Eliott everything, finally letting himself accept what he was struggling with. Eliott could very much relate. When he had his first manic and depressive episodes and had no clue what was going on only to then be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it was a hell of a lot to come to terms with. Knowing his precious Lucas, the love of his life, his soulmate, his _mignon petit hérisson_ , had been fighting something within himself for-  
  
He squeezed their hands gently. “Mon amour, how long have you been fighting this?”  
  
Lucas sobbed, sniffed, then shrugged. “Since before my dad left my mom, probably even longer.”  
  
Eliott couldn’t take it anymore and tugged his hands so Lucas moved and brought himself into his embrace. Eliott was crying too now, Lucas sobbing into his shoulder, and all Eliott could do was to whisper sweet nothings to him as his own brain tried to work through things.  
  
Then he remembered what he’d seen when he’d first sat on the bed and he couldn’t stop his eyes glancing over. The sheer number of wrappers by the bed, the disinfectant on the desk, the bowl and towel on the floor.  
  
“It’s a cycle of binging and purging and just needing to control. I eat so much shit and then I hate myself for it so then make myself purge by vomiting. Or sometimes I just cannot eat at all and I just see myself in the mirror as someone I’m not and all I’m focused on is numbers and I just- I need help. I need help, Eliott."  
  
Eliott just held him tighter as he began to panic, kissing him occasionally on the head and stroking his back. “Lucas, you are so fucking brave, do you know that? You are so brave for telling me, for trusting me, and I love you so much, okay?”  
  
But Lucas only started squirming in his arms, trying to run away. “Why are you still here, Eliott? How can you still be here with me? I’m a disgrace, I’m pathetic, I’m worthless, and-“  
  
“Hey hey hey, minute by minute, remember?” Eliott placed his hands gently over both of his boyfriend’s cheeks, looking lovingly into those dark blue eyes he loved so much. “I could ask you how you put up with me when you know I’m bipolar-”  
  
“-But I-”  
  
“-Lucas, I would rather have you annoy me than not have you at all. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.” Saying Lucas’ own words back at him, those words that had meant so much to Eliott that Monday evening Lucas had first said them, words that Eliott would forever keep in his heart, seemed to get through to him. Lucas nodded and pressed their foreheads together, and Eliott’s heart fluttered when he saw the ghost of a smile on his lips.  
  
“Merci, je t’aime,” he said. And then their lips were together and Eliott felt all the heaviness and tension between them both evaporate. Kissing Lucas was like coming up for air after being underwater, like a cold drink on a summer’s day, like being consumed in pure happiness.  
  
When they broke apart, Eliott kissed Lucas on the forehead before getting up and starting to clear up the room. Clearing out the rubbish and depositing the bowl and towel and disinfectant in the kitchen by the sink, before heading back in with fresh sheets for the bed from the cupboard. Lucas had also gotten himself up off the bed, opening the window to let in some fresh air and was still standing there looking out over Paris. Eliott put the sheets in a pile on the desk before hugging Lucas from behind and feeling relieved when Lucas relaxed back into him.  
  
“We’re in this together, you and me,” he said softly into the skin of Lucas’ neck. “We’ll fight this, I’m with you all the way, whatever comes.”  
  
“I’ve got to tell my mum. How the hell am I going to tell my mum?”  
  
“I don’t know. But how about for this next minute we change the bedsheets and then get some sleep?”  
  
Lucas went to clean his teeth and brought back a glass of water for Eliott to take his meds. Eliott beamed at him, kissing him in thanks. “See, teamwork!” he exclaimed and all but tackled him to the bed when Lucas grinned back at him.  
  
“You’re such a dork.”  
  
“Careful, else you won’t be getting cuddles,” Eliott quipped, gently booping Lucas on the nose.  
  
Lucas rolled his eyes in response before turning off the bedside light and diving under the fresh duvet. Eliott undressed and snuggled in with him, spooning him from behind, encasing him in a protective layer of warmth and love and support.  
  
Pressing a kiss to the back of Lucas’ neck, and entwining their fingers over his stomach, Eliott silently vowed to see Lucas through whatever was coming his way. He’d been completely alone when dealing with his bipolar diagnosis and figuring out his treatment, and he would rather die than let Lucas go through his eating disorder journey alone.  
  
Maybe Lucas and Eliott #542 had the blessing of no afflictions, but Eliott knew he was more than content with the lives of Lucas and Eliott #1.


End file.
